Keeping it short and sad.

Lately I've been in a rather deep rut that I'm having trouble getting out of. I don't know what it is or what exactly has brought this on but it's been going on for a while now and I am more than ready to get out of it.

Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's anxiety. I haven't the slightest idea. It's like all of the sudden I have come down with a serious case of depression or something. I'm always tired, I honestly don't remember the last time I can say I was happy all day long, I don't have much motivation to do anything. I've been feeling ridiculously lonely during all of this as well. I received awesome news this past week and I hardly reacted to it. The fact that I've bummed so much lately (so much so, to the point where not even getting into the college program that I've been wanting to get into excites me) makes me even more bummed. It's a vicious cycle and I need to figure out how to break it.

I'm asking for help... please help me? I want my old, happy self back.

I'm lost.
I'm scared.
I need help.
I don't want to feel this way anymore.
I want to be happy again.

I'm just your average girl.

Starstruck!

Aight, so I'm not super awesome at keeping this deal updated. It makes for more interesting and exciting posts though right?
Since my last post... I've been to all of my doctors appointments. Everything came up fine and dandy. Cancer free! 
My thyroid is still larger than average but the doc says that it's just big. Nothing wrong with it for now. I have 4 little nodules settled in on each side of my thyroid. I hope they stay happy in their little home because I'd rather not have to go through another biopsy. Having a large needle stuck in your throat 5 times with your head cocked back to where it pretty much rests under your shoulder blades is not the most comfortable position to be in. Especially when you don't have a giraffe's neck or you don't just happen to be a contortionist. 

The first few classes at the fire station have been interesting/ entertaining so far. We were issued our shitty, old, worn out training bunker gear. Finding every piece that fit properly was an adventure in and of itself, that's for sure! Now, each class we have to take our gear upstairs with us and if someone rings the bell we stop, drop, and roll  whatever we are doing and have to put it all on in under 2 minutes. Which, not to toot my own horn, is fairly easy for me seeing as I've been playing around in bunker gear since I was little. So station life is going well.

On May 18th, I flew to South Carolina to spend some much needed time with this awesome guy. Since I had missed his birthday I brought a few gifts with me. 3 puzzles from myself, which he figured each one out in no time, weirdo, as well as a very interesting, and funny bathroom reader from my parents which also contained money. It briefly discusses random scientifically studies that the government likes to spend millions of dollars on. Some of them are absolutely hysterical.

I had a wonderful total of 10 days with him. We visited some of his friends, hung around with his parents, baked some pretzels (yummy!), got crafty and made things, fixed a car's brakes... well, that was mostly him and we spent time on the lake. I purchased a 7-day South Carolina fishing license, and for some reason that excites me. I just think it's cool! Don't judge me. I caught my first 2 fish ever! A blue gill and a perch. No, I did not eat them. 

Memorial day, we went tubing and water skiing. Both of which I found very entertaining to watch as well as participate in.

Crazy Memorial Day picture... just because!

Walker water skiing

 

That's me tubing!

Unfortunately, our time together had to end. Of course I cried and am still working on cheering up from leaving, but I don't regret any moment at all. Spending time with him was my main concern on the trip and that was well covered. We are trying to work something out so that we can see each other again before the summer ends.

Since I have returned home, I've finally decided which route I will be taking in college. I will be receiving a degree in "University Studies" in the College of Architecture with a minor in Business and Art, concentrating on either traditional or digital media. After completing the 4 year program, I will continue schooling through their Masters program which turns out is the program that is sending their students to Disney and Pixar. I no longer have to deal with the stress of attempting to get into an extremely competitive program with very limited spots that even some of the most talented people are rejected from. There are other ways to get where I want to be which was a big issue in my mind not too long ago. I was convinced that there was only one way to get there and that there was no way I would ever be able to make it through. I've proved myself wrong and I am oh so glad that I did!

I was also reunited with my college room mate for the weekend. We've been away from each other for a month and we were both starting to realize how much we actually missed one another. We went to George Strait's last Texas Concert of his last Tour! It was definitely a rather significant moment in Texas Country Music History. We were able to adventure around back stage and oh my gosh it was so exciting even if we did get off to a rough start to the day. 

We arrived at the Alamodome about an hour early. Well, outside it was sunny and about 93 degrees with high humidity. Everyone was sweating buckets. When they eventually opened the gates we decided to go stand in line for shirts knowing that they would ALL be gone if we didn't snag them before the concert. Going from the heat outside into a sardine type situation in a smaller area where they were selling the shirts was not the best of ideas considering I had not eaten anything. Our plan was to grab our shirts and then go get food. Plans changed. All I remember was feeling really hot, then thirsty, my ears started ringing, then I couldn't see so I leaned against Mollie and the next thing I know, I'm being held up by my room mate and some complete strangers. I freaking passed out. Some lady shoved a piece of gum in my mouth and another lady was feeding me skittles. Another man came to me and carried me to a less crowded corner where I could actually breathe. They brought a wheelchair out and wheeled me off to first aid where I pretty much just sat around until I was feeling better. I'm extremely thankful for my room mate and the people around me who helped. 

Poor Mollie. All 3 times that I've ever passed out have been with her. She's such a sweetheart. I felt horrible and still do because we weren't able to grab any shirts.. gee, good thing she's a family friend of George Strait's. They can just run to the warehouse not far from their house and get some. I have some of the coolest friends ever. Over all the concert was amazing, and while we were back stage I met George's son and we even saw Miranda Lambart. Both of us freaked about that. Apart from passing out, I had a great time.

Myself and Mollie after THE Cowboy rode away!

My Calculus class starts tomorrow at the local Community College and then I'm having dinner with my softball coaches. I'll have to update everyone on how that goes as well!

I am exhausted.

I am still crazy busy this summer!

I should be going to bed, it's 2AM.

I just had to write about it all!

I am just your average girl!

Well, I've done it!

I'm a probie!
For those of you who don't know what that is, I'm a probational fire fighter aka a rookie. I may be mopping floors and doing the handy work/grunt work around the station for a while but that's just how life goes in a station. You get to participate in training and such but you have to work your way to the top! I start on the 14th and I'm incredibly excited. I've been told that rookie classes take about 3 months to complete at the station I am volunteering for. That's basically the whole summer, but the whole reason I'm volunteering is to see if this is what I really want to pursue as a career! So this will be my test run. My summer JUSTstarted today and it looks like I'm already crazy busy with it!

So lets see...

May 13th- Doctor's appointment for thyroid
May 14th- First day of rookie classes & Walker's birthday
May 15th- Doctor's appointment follow up for thyroid & get together/ bday party with friends I havent seen since BEFORE CHRISTMAS DB
May 16th- Doctor's appointment check up
I think there might be a dentist appointment in there somewhere too 

May18th-28th - Spending time with my boyfriend in SC! <3 <3 <3

June 3rd- July7th - 1st Summer 5 week session [Calculus1] Mondays-Thursdays starting at noon
June 10-28- baby sitting my coach's dogs at her house while she's in Greece and Italy

I don't really have much planned for July yet... maybe move in to our new condo with my room mate! We'll see! Probably do some exciting stuff for my birthday maybe. Even with being busy this summer I still am going to try to find time to draw and work on my art as well. It's something I'll never get enough of!

Anyway, like I said, I'm super excited to get started and see if this is truly what I want to do. If so, I'll attend Texas A&M and study fire sciences to continue my career!

There are times when I feel so incredibly lost...

...I just don't know what to do.

All I have is art... all I've ever done is art...
and I've been dreaming for the longest time.


But today I woke up. I seriously thought about it and my dream job is literally, one of the hardest to even think about getting. For a long time I've wanted to work at Disney as a character designer or an animator or something. Today I came to terms that I could not possibly meet all of their standards. I'm not a super fantastic artist like so many other people. They have tons of options to choose from how could I ever catch their eye.

I'm transferring next semester and I haven't got any clue as to what I want to do with my life. I'm going to be a sophomore in college... and I don't know what I want to do. I'm usually the optimistic person in these situations, but lately, I just can't be. I'm so lost. Everyone around me knows where they are going in their future and I am the only one left who hasn't a single clue. I'm so scared that I'll never find the job that makes me happy. Sure I'd love to be a stay at home mom, but until that day comes I'd rather be able to provide for myself and significant other if that is the case. What if I can't?

I am clueless.
I am lost.
I am scared.

I'm just your average girl.

Hello World! It has been quite a while!

Wow I haven't been keeping up with this blog like I said I was. Woops. Ah, well, time for some updates! This is gonna look like a really long post but there are lots of pictures!

Alright so Spring Break was pretty chill. Walker came down to visit for the week and we ran around doing and seeing some cool things like going to NASA and hanging out at the beach. (It was still WAY too cold to even touch the water)

Our first day together we didn't really know what to do. This is us brainstorming.

We visited my dad's offices. He teaches Offshore Safety Management for people that work on oil rigs and stuff. He has simulators and he had to fix a mouse because it was spazzing out. Needless to say Walker and I enjoyed pressing all the buttons on the simulators and the sound board to make sound effects in the room. Lots of buttons to press that make noises and flash. It was highly entertaining for the both of us... even though I tend to do it frequently.

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I don't remember what day it was, but I had been wanting to go to our park and throw the softball around for a while. Walker and I decided to do that for a little while and then walk one of the bike/running trails. We kept seeing small trails that went off the main path and decided to follow one back into the woods until we happened upon this little sight. There was another little hut type thing off to the left of this one and a wheel barrow with some trash or something in it. I was instantly creeped out and was ready to get out of there. I don't know if someone built these to creep people out on purpose or if someone actually lived in them but we didn't stay long.

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Walker had never been to a rodeo so I figured, why not take him to one of the biggest around? So I did. We attended Rodeo Houston 2013 and watched Kenny Chesney perform. Afterwards we took a ride on the Ferris Wheel. It was kind of late so that was the only ride we did that night. It's the best time to go on the Ferris Wheel at the rodeo because all of the carnival lights are on, not to mention the rest of Houston is all lit up.

 

We went back to the carnival the next day to hit up all the other rides we didn't get to. We played carnival games and ate some delicious fried oreos, a fried brownie and even tried a fried poptart. SO HEALTHY I KNOW. We won several stuffed animals at the carnival games. He then decided he was going to bungee jump. He's waiting in line in this picture. He is crazy...

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The first time he was down here we didn't make it to NASA Johnson Space Center so I made sure we did this time! I'm a big Space nerd and he's into science so this place was perfect for the both of us! We walked around, saw a video and went on a couple of tours before heading down to the beach. At the beach, we laid out for a while before it got too cold, had some snacks and enjoyed the sun while it was still up. We sculpted a few things in the sand leaving Whinnie the Pooh behind.

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We had a busy day the next day. I told him we would go to the shooting range, so we did. We shot at a few different targets with my .22 Henry Rifle for a while, my dad had his new gun he was figuring out and one of the guys from the fire station brought along his new pistol. Walk complained a little about my sights but they work for me so... oh well. He didn't do too bad though! He kept shooting a little high but he got the hang of it.

I always talk about College Station. I love it there and I can't wait to be there myself. A&M has always been so much fun to me. After a few discussions with my parents and myself, Walker had become interested in seeing the campus for himself! My dad and I gave him a small tour of A&M showing him the main buildings that he'd be interested in such as the math buildings, engineering, those types of things. I told him about many traditions and my dad had some neat stories about what he experienced when he went to school there to go with the explanation of the traditions. Many of the buildings weren't around when my dad was there so he was able to give us kind of a look back on the old A&M. We also attended an Aggie Softball game. One of my favorite activities. We attended the first SEC game of the Softball season and we were able to sit behind the "Sugar Daddies". These guys are an absolute riot. They constantly heckle during the game and try to distract the other team by yelling at them asking where they got their bows, or if they didn't have one, where it was. I recommend going to an A&M Softball game when you get the chance. You won't be bored.

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Well, all good things must come to an end sometime.. Spring break ended and saying good bye was tough. But it's not the last time we will see each other. In fact summer is coming up and we already have our plans! 

I've been finding myself struggling more and more in school and in college it had only become worse. I have always had a hard time with focus while reading and comprehending what I just read. If I tried to read I would almost instantly become distracted or I would reread the same sentence or paragraph over and over and just not get anywhere with it. I was recently placed on some ADD medicine and from what I can tell, it's been working. All of my grades have gone up a significant amount and I'm extremely proud of myself because I can actually finish things now. School still isn't a breeze for me, but it has made it a hell of a lot easier to deal with assignments and completing my work.

There is a motorcycle that literally never moves in front of our dorm. It is ALWAYS taking up one of the best spots for our dorm and makes everyone angry because there ARE spots designated for motorcycles right around the corner from the door. Upon my return from spring break this is what that motorcycle looked like. I'd like to applaud the person who had the guts to do this. They need an award or something. Everyone loves you now whoever you may be.

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I went home for Easter weekend. We were getting ready to go to a crawfish boil when my dad took Dot, my dog, out so she could go to the bathroom before we left. He came across this little guy which Dot, being the genius she is, ran RIGHT by him. His back legs were injured and he was just dragging them behind him, using his front legs to inch around on the rock. He was a brave little dude, sitting there, threatening us with his tiny little hiss. We managed to find a small box to put him in and take him to the Texas Wildlife Center where they rehabilitate wild animals to release back into the wild. He was put into good hands. I know opossums are not good friends and carry a bunch of diseases but the babies are so cute and so small.

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Lately we've had some crazy weather down here in Galveston. One day it will be absolutely gorgeous and warm outside. Perfect to spend some time at the beach without getting cold. Tanning time!

 And then the next day will be winter temperature along with buckets of rain.

It's been going back and forth like this for a couple of weeks now. TIME TO DECIDE AND STICK WITH IT WEATHER. C'MON NOW.

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Today! I went on our Biology field trip. My friend asked for a video of what we've been up to so this pretty much explains what we did! Sorry for the awkward close up. 

In the net that I mentioned in the video, we ended up catching a bunch of small squid, several fish, a blue crab and some shrimp! 

Yay little squid!

This is the same little guy in the two pictures above. He was actually really pretty, he had blue and yellow markings along his face and he was shiny in the sun!

There's our blue crab hanging onto a shrimp. I guess he was hungry!

A fish surrounded by some little squids, the squid were really entertaining to watch swim around in the water

You can kind of see the crab at the bottom and a squid or two swimming around :)

There was also a boat fire that broke out while we were on the water. We heard them calling over the radio and then we saw the smoke. 

I looked it up earlier when I got back to my room and this is the short little article I found. No bad news so far! Except for the ship of course...

Being in Galveston, we see a lot of cruise ships all of the time and today a Disney ship was in the port! pretty neat. They have a giant Goofy hanging off the back of the ship like he is painting.

I'm a teenager.

I'm a college student.

I've been up to a lot of things.

Today has rocked so far.

I'm just your average girl.

All-American Excitement

So today I was dragged out of bed at about 8:30 to travel up to College Station for an open house type deal to hear about the program I would like to transfer into. It is called VizLab and is Texas A&M 's version of an art program held in the College of Architecture. It began in 2008 and is a very competitive program to get into. So we drove the hour and a half dri e to College Station this morning about 30 minutes later than we had planned. I wasn't in the best of moods seeing as I have not been getting a sufficient amount of sleep and not sleeping well. 

The first half of the day was not appealing to me at all. It was all business. I was not happy or entertained. We decided to also attend the Aggie Softball game later in the day. We went and parked at about 1:00 and had a couple hours before the game started. It was the perfect opportunity for one exhausted, moody teenager to take a nap and of course I did not let that chance slip by. I woke up just in time for game time and we headed into the stands. I chomped on a giant dill pickle and munched on some popcorn while enjoying the game along with the yells and hollering from the boyfriends of the team. I suggest y'all go to an A&M Softball game when you get the chance! It was a double header today, we had the opportunity to stay and watch a second game. However, it was already rather chilly and pretty windy so we decided we would go to Aggieland Outfitters and then Layne's Chicken Fingers before heading home. 

WELL!!! 

During the game I had come across Amanda Scarborough's Instagram while flipping through some tags and do I followed her. She's one of my favorite players ever. She played at A&M when I was younger and ended up becoming an All-American pitcher. I SAW HER AT THE GAME AND JUST ABOUT DIED YOU GUYS. We were walking towards the gate when a small group of people caught my eye. They were talking to AMANDA!!! I freaked out. I was totally like a little kid in a candy shop. I was SO excited! I waited patiently, literally trying to keep it cool on the outside. She acknowledged I was there and I introduced myself! We had a short little conversation, you know, where are you from, did you play, those kinds of questions. AND I GOT A PICTURE WITH HER AND SHE TOTALLY JUST COMMENTED ON IT!! After she took the picture she asked if I was on Facebook and to tag her, I can't figure out how to tag her on Facebook without being her friend but I did tag her on Instagram! Ahhhhhhh!!! I'm still so excited about the whole thing and the fact that she just commented on it makes it even MORE AWESOME! So it's safe to say the second half of the day was totally amazing.

Amanda and I! 

AAAAHHH SHE COMMENTED ON MY INSTAGRAM PHOTO! 

I'm a teenager.

I'm a college student.

I'm still freaking excited about this whole thing.

I'm literally still squealing about it.

I'm just your average girl.

Just a few motivational quotes to help you get through the day.