Get a Backbone.

This is going to be a rather short post but hopefully it will make you think as well.

Check out this video featuring Arian Michael Foster, an American football running back for the Houston Texans of the National Football League.

Arian lists what he stands for, what keeps him going through his professional career as the Houston Texans running back.

(worth watching!)

I just saw this video and it sparked a thought in my mind. 

I can't really live for myself, if I did, I feel that it would be so much harder for me to feel like I have a purpose. I want to live for the people around me, I want them to realize how much they mean to me without having to receive anything in return. I want to live for my friends, I want to live for my family, I want to live for my job. When I become a firefighter, that's kind of the mentality you have to have anyway. If I'm not around to do this job, that's one less chance for someone to survive. I know a lot of you probably think that this isn't really a good way to live, but some people, like me, have to think like that. I want to be strong for someone who is not having a good day or who can't be strong. I'm also a bit conflicted in the fact that I also want someone to be strong for me too when I'm feeling weak and sometimes I don't let that happen when I need it to. My friends and family mean the world to me and I could not have gotten this far without them. That is an extremely cliche thing to say but it is 100% true. And I want to thank all of you for being there to support me on my worst days. 

I stand for my family.
I stand for my friends, who supported me through the hardest times.
I stand for the ones who can't fight.
I stand for those who are lost, the ones that can't find their way out of the smoke.
That's what I stand for.
What do you stand for?
Get a backbone.


I'm a teenager.
I'm a college student.
I found my backbone.

I'm just your average girl.
"It's not because of that, and it's not because of money, Work's in my blood and I [do it] 'cause I'm hungry."

New Suite Mate with a Side of AWKWARD

So I was trying to be nice and give this girl the benefit of the doubt. She's not my room mate after all... Let me give you a little history. 

After our previous suite mate, who we all got along with really well due to the fact that we bonded during the summer through our SAIL program, left this semester, we were unaware of the situation our room had been put in. We were unsure if we would demote ourselves from the Fantastic 4 to the 3 Musketeers or if we'd have another being in our humble abode of chaos. (PSA: We are not boring to be around when we are all together) No one had been notified by any means, email, phone call, text message, facebook message, nothing. We all half expected to walk into our 4-person dorm room after returning from a wonderful, month long Christmas break with one empty bed. 

Chelsy, my hysterically entertaining suite mate who I met during the summer program, was the first to return to our temporary living space. She arrived completely expecting to have a half decorated room. This is not what she walked in to. The other side of the room where our previous room mate had stayed was occupied. Things on the desk, clothes in the closet, television on the stand and bed made. Let me say again, there was NO knowledge of this new person to any one in this dorm room. 

--MEANWHILE--
Mollie, my crazy room mate, and I met up and had dinner then drove the rest of the way to the campus together. We got there later that evening. Mollie was also in the summer program along with Chelsy and I. We noticed there were still 4 names on our door. What...? Who is this stranger that NO ONE had any idea about!? She clearly was not in the room and neither was Chelsy. Mollie and I unloaded our cars and started unpacking our clothes and things. While we had bags and boxes of stuff scattered around the room as we made it look like home again, the new meat walked in. She didn't say much of anything. A few minutes later she walked in, looking around our room she hesitantly stated that our room was "rather interesting" as if we have super weird stuff hanging around our room. False. That is not the case. We have a lot of posters and our room is epically awesome. Sorry, we like color other than a dull eggshell wall. Later on Chelsy came in and told us a little bit about her. She also enlightened us that she bumped the A/C up to 77 at one point. We were going to have problems if that kept occurring. 

She's older than us by a few years. She's quiet for the most part except when she comes and shuts our door because she can barely hear our music. I'm not understating or exaggerating by any means. I don't know what else she does besides sit in the room and read her school books all day. I really think the only reason they picked to room her with Chelsy is that they are both Marine Biology majors.
One night we went into Chelsy's room to say hi to our ex-room mate/ suite mate over Skype. We noticed that she sleeps with a bible beside her bed and a verse written on a whiteboard over her bed. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I guess it was just really unexpected. As I mentioned before, she likes to think our music is too loud and come shut the door even when her door is shut all day. I'm not too sure that she even listens to music. 

The entire reason I'm writing this blog is because of what occurred earlier tonight. I've been in my room, lounging around all day, drawing and stuff. Mollie went home for the weekend and Chelsy stayed out last night and had not returned until late. This evening I ended up leaving the door open for a little bit. Not the best idea I guess. Newbie took the chance to just come chill in the room and start questioning me about my life. Normal questions actually, I was alright with answering them. However, I am shy when it comes to new people so my answers were pretty short and concise which might have made me come off as a bit of a bitch. At least I admit to it. She asked the questions you would normally ask when getting to know another college student, you know, what majors, what do you want to do, do you like classes... that kind of stuff. I can talk and draw at the same time. She decided that she wanted to come draw with me. What was I gonna say? "No, you can't come sit in the same room and draw." No. She brought in some paper and started drawing. She asked if I had any colors. Of course my new Prismacolor markers were sitting in the wide open. I wasn't going to allow her to use them because, 1 they are brand new and 2 they are pretty freakin expensive. Keep in mind I had been drawing all day and was getting a bit tired of it. I started checking out the internet, seeing what was up. She watched over my shoulder the whole time questioning each thing I was doing. THAT'S what bugged me. After sharing a couple videos I climbed onto my bed and continued messing around with my computer. She took the time to start messing with the things on my desk and picked up my sketch book. I new she was going to flip through it so I politely asked her not to look through it. She then proceeded to flip through every page and ask me questions about each one. Some of which were kind of uncomfortable to explain. AUGH. The whole experience was rather awkward. I really had to vent about it. Interesting story though right?


I'm a teenager.
I'm a college student.
I'm not sure that I like our new suite mate so far.
#newsuitemateproblems

I'm just your average girl.

Spring Semester Day 1

Today is my first day back to classes since winter break. Of course I haven't been able to get over my cold that I got from being in South Carolina with a sick boyfriend and of course it is super cold and very wet outside and of course I live on the windiest island in existence! I have one more class today which is my political sciences class. This morning I attended my Health and fitness class with the same coach I had over the summer and last semester. We will be completing challenges such as changing our eating habits for a week, and improving our cardiovascular health and stamina. Basically it's another health class kind of similar to the one we had in high school. My second class of the day was Texas History where the professor just decided today to mention to the freshmen in the class that his class will be difficult for freshmen because it is an upper level class and the readings are a little more in depth and complicated. It might be easier if our brains were a little more developed. 17 out of the 30 students in the class are freshmen. I think maybe if he would have written in the little comment section of the course description what he told us today he might not have had that problem! So I am a little ticked about that. It's the first day of classes and you've already stressed out over half the class. Brilliant. My last class of the day isn't for another couple of hours so maybe I will add on after I get out of that class. Tomorrow my classes don't begin until 11:00 am which is somewhat of a relief I suppose. Tomorrow I have Biology and Anthropology. This semester I'm pretty much taking History classes and Biology. I'm hoping to do better this semester... I'll edit this post after my POLS class.

POST POLS CLASS:
So I'm really excited for this POLS class. The professor is hysterical. To begin the semester he told us a little bit about himself and his family. Throughout his introduction he cracked jokes also warning us that he has a sick sense of humor, which indeed he does. I love it. He cracked some short jokes first and then went on to note that reading "the POLS book does not read like a normal book, or 50 Shades of Grey." He then commented that he had not read the book yet receiving replies such as "Don't read it!"

His rebuttal? "If I learn something from that book that I did not know before, it must be perverted." The class responded with laughter and a few hesitant chuckles to which he stated "hey, when you get to my age..." he trailed off and got back on topic. 

This semester should be rather interesting and hopefully an improvement even though apparently Texas History will be 'difficult' for freshmen.

I'm a teenager.
I'm a college student.
I'm back in class.
I wrote this on my phone.

I'm just your average girl.

When I grow up I want to...

Well, starting college has made it all very real that in 4-5 short, but seemingly long years I will be looking for a career to keep for quite a while. The only thing is, right now, I'm still not exactly 100 percent sure of what I want to pursue! It is quite the dilemma! Over the years I have come to absolutely love and enjoy art. I like to experiment with new mediums and styles and use my imagination. It is the best stress reliever I have ever discovered. However, if I chose to pursue art as a career there is a chance that I could lose that enjoyment for what I absolutely love. I'd be forced to draw and design along with having stressful deadlines rather than doing it at my own will. A nightmare that I never want to live through. I have thought about doing art on the side, definitely. I could do it when I feel like it around my new schedule and still enjoy it. 

On the other hand I have fire fighting. "Completely random" you say, I know, but it is not random at all. I grew up with the fire station as my second home. My father was a fire fighter for 22 years. He stopped for a while and now is planning to get back into it. I have found a distinct fascination with fire and being a part of the fire department. I am a very team oriented person. I work well with teammates and being on a fire fighting crew that is an extremely important necessity. It also allows me to still be that tough kid I always have been. I have been discussing with my parents who have supported me in my decision to volunteer at the fire department over the summer to try it out and see if that is really what I want to do or if it would be better off if it was a hobby or not done at all. I know that I will get shit for being a female in the fire department as it is a mostly male profession. So what? I enjoy breaking boundaries. Not to mention the satisfaction one receives after saving a life or something so intimate to someone as a home. It makes you feel worth while and like you're doing something useful. It is going to be a lot of hard work, I will have to start running this semester and getting back into shape. Even more so than I did for softball, but I can't help but want to do this. My brother and his wife will try to talk me out of it, I know they will. 

Choosing a career is hard, I know many new college students are worrying about it just as much if not more than me. Freshman and maybe the beginning of sophomore year of college is for you! It is for you to realize and find what you are good at and what you want to pursue! Experiment with your courses! Take a class you may not normally take! Take the ones that just sound interesting! Just try not to become a professional student, that can get a little pricy.  ;)

I'm a teenager
I'm a college student
I'm trying to figure out my career
I want to do a man's job

I'm just your average girl.

Down to Pennies.

I have a bone to pick with colleges. 
I know this isn't the case for all college students but I know many of my friends are paying for their own tuition and such. So why do books cost so freaking much to buy? Renting them could sometimes be just as expensive as buying it! 

It's insane. For the 5 classes I have this semester I had to buy 11 books. Most of them were for my Texas History course and weren't too expensive, but the most expensive was definitely Biology. Introductory Biology. THE TEXTBOOK ALONE COSTS 200 BUCKS and then there was something else that I needed to get that was like another 100 bucks. I feel that books like that should be checked in/out for a class like a library book. Or if we only use the book for say, one or two chapters (which has happened to me twice already) why not have a copy of those chapters out of the teachers edition or something to put online or hand out? I would much rather carry around a thick packet of papers instead of a 10 pound book. Not to mention I could easily take notes on those papers and not feel guilty about highlighting or writing notes on it.

The stereotypical college student is pictured as struggling right? Sitting on a budget, leaving them only to eat ramen noodles in their dorm room at their desk lit by one single desk lamp while surrounding themselves with their studies, papers scattered all around. So why make it harder on a college student by having the most expensive books in the world in the curriculum? I don't know. I don't really find any good reason that text books should cost so much for college students. What do you think?


I'm a teenager
I'm a college student
I don't have that much money

I'm just your average girl.

Cutting for no one.

Through my browsing of facebook I have been seeing disturbing pictures of forearms that have been sliced with blades and oozing blood. These have been a recent trend on twitter for fans of the Biebs. "Cutting for Bieber" is the cause of all of this. Apparently he was photographed smoking a rather large blunt and partying in a hotel room. 

...Okaayy... big deal right? Well I guess so. This prank went a little too far. The whole ordeal occurred because The supposed “fans” posted the upsetting images along with messages pleading with Bieber to stop smoking marijuana. They originated a sick online campaign that led #CutForBieber and #CuttingForBieber to trend on Twitter, circulating shocking images purporting to show fans with slashed wrists, blades and blood.

1. Ew. For some reason pictures of it creep me out more than the real deal. I'm weird I know.
2. YOU HAVE NO DIRECT LINE TO HIM WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

He's a celebrity who has no idea of your existence, and you are cutting yourself for him!?
I'm sorry, I just can't wrap my mind around this situation. Having self-harmmed in the past I kind of know the problems it can cause. BUT THIS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. You are willingly hurting yourself because of someone who does not know you even live on Earth and then posting PICTURES of it on twitter. I can't help but label it as a HUGE call for attention. I'm sorry. There is something completely wrong with this on both sides. The people who started this are sick in the head and I don't even want to get started on the people who are legitimately cutting themselves because JUSTIN BIEBER of all people was photographed smoking weed. WHO CARES. LET HIM DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. Why are you... I can't  even think of how to talk about the subject for the rest of this blog post.. 

I'm a teenager
I'm  a college student
I'm a former self-harmer
I'm extremely confused

I'm just your average girl.

Anything but Average

So for this first blog post on my new blog, I'm just going to give you a chunk of my background story.
My name is Caleigh, I currently attend Texas A&M at Galveston and plan to transfer to College Station next semester. I'm interested in either pursuing art or fire fighting, following in the footsteps of my dad. I've always been more of the tom-boy type, into sports and the outdoors. I've always been the tough kid, growing up around my brother who is 11.5 years older than me. When I was 6 he was in high school and participated in football. We frequently had large linebackers tromping through the house and with guys like that running around, ya can't be all frills and cute all the time. As I got older being a tom-boy wasn't the most attractive thing about me. In fact, I was not attractive at all really. I've been overweight most of my life and it called for negative attention from the fellow classmates around me. It took and sometimes still takes a big toll on me.

Anyway, over the years I became somewhat addicted to the internet. I found that it was a place I was generally accepted. No one really cared if you were fat or skinny. It was a place that I could show my personality without worrying about what people would think really. I started opening myself up to people which in turn tended to hurt me even more. At one point I believed I was in a relationship which turned out to be one big joke. The laugh was on me. I started to lose myself. I resorted to self harm (scratching to the point of breaking the skin and a few cuts) if I failed to show people how good I could be and that I was worth something. I started to believe that I should take up the space I did on the Earth. My sophomore year I planned to overdose. Something told me to stop. I don't remember exactly what.. but I didn't go through with it. I decided I would try to put it all behind me and live for my future. I opened myself up to a few friends at school, which took a while. Then I signed up for a dating site online... This past year I found the best person in the world. In October of 2012 we started talking. Over time I found myself falling for him. The only problem was that he lives in South Carolina while I'm here in Texas. We continued to talk and eventually we decided to propose "serious us" as we like to call it. That was back in April 2012. It is now January 2013, 9 months and a few days later and we are still going strong! We've visited each other twice and we are planning future trips!

Walker is my rock, my best friend, and my fresh breath of air. He makes me laugh and smile all the time. He supports me and my decisions when I am able to make them. (I'm terrible at making decisions) He pushes me to do and be the best I can be. He knows what I am capable of which sometimes I lose sense of. He is always there for me to give me advice and help me through difficult times. I know I have someone that loves me for being me. That thought makes me the happiest girl in the world. Sure we didn't find each other in the traditional going out and searching kind of way, but we found each other. I don't regret one second of it. He knows this and I tell him all the time anyway but he really did find me at my weakest point. I was definitely ready to give up on love. 100% ready to accept that I would be alone for the entirety of my life. I know that sounds super dramatic but that is exactly how I thought it would happen. He pulled me out of the biggest slump I have ever faced in my life and I will never be able to thank him enough. The day before I left South Carolina last week he told me that he had a problem. A little worried as to why he was telling me this just before leaving I asked him what it was. He just smiled at me and told me that he was hopelessly in love with me. It reminded me of when I told him that my problem was his smile, his laugh, the way he turned my day around in a heartbeat. I questioned that being a problem to which he replied that it was my problem and that I'd be stuck with him. It's a problem that I don't mind having one bit. 

I am a teenager.
I am a college student.
I almost killed myself.
I found my real friends Junior year of high school.
I found love online.

I'm just your average girl.