I'm a very insecure person to be honest. I've never really been proud of myself or loved myself completely. I'm concerned with what people think/say about me and I very often find myself paranoid in public when people are laughing and happen to look in my direction. With that said, I guess it could all be a misunderstanding but I doubt it because it's been going on too long for it not to be.
I have only seen one of my friends once this summer. I saw, of course through Facebook, that the rest of the group of my friends have been hanging out a lot over this summer. Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be invited to every single thing that happens.. But I'm seriously getting the message that I am the unwanted friend. The friend people are friends with because they feel bad for me.
I came to this conclusion after one of my friends grandmas passed away. We had a group text from another to let us know. We thought it'd be nice if we all attended the ceremony to support our friend during the hard time. I waited for the time and place for the viewing to come through the group message as it was still undecided by the family. I never received the text and found the following day,also on Facebook, that the ceremony had already occurred and my friend thanked those who went on our group page. Now I don't know who all went out of our group but I had no idea what happened. It hurt. A lot. When I get hurt, I'm more of a suffer in silence kind of person. I've just stayed quiet since then really. And that was early June. It is now mid August and I have heard nothing from anyone. Not a hello.. Nothing, except from the one friend I saw once, for lunch.. And I didn't really want to bring it up then.
Somehow I have said something or done something wrong to piss everyone off. If one of you read all of this and you think I'm wrong or I'm misunderstanding something will you let me know? Please just say something to me.. Because as of right now I don't feel like I have any of you anymore. I'm dead to the world and it hurts to feel so alone.
